Bet You Didn’t See This One Coming…
2015 has been a year of huge changes for me. I left my old church and joined the Episcopal church. I withdrew from my program at seminary as an M.Div. student. Let’s see, what else?
Oh yeah. I transitioned my gender.
I am no longer presenting as male. I had my name legally changed from Ryan to Rya. I started on hrt (hormones). My drivers license now says I’m female. I pretty much did the whole thing.
No. It’s not a joke. And yes that’s really me in the picture.
It was quite a whirlwind, and it all happened so fast. In the moment though, it seemed like it couldn’t happen fast enough.
Of course, I didn’t make this decision lightly. My wake-up call came in mid-spring, when in a moment of intense emotion, I took an action that I intended to result in suicide. At that moment, I preferred to die than to either go on living as a man or transition to be a woman. With the help of my family, I realized that even though the negative effects of transitioning were enormous, the cost of not transitioning was even higher.
It’s been three months to the day that I publicly transitioned. Looking back on it, I can say without a doubt that transitioning has been the worst decision of my life. I can also say that transitioning has been the best decision of my life. But the best outweighs the worst by at least 2-to-1. So I’m glad I did it. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Now I begin the long process of working out the details. For me, a lot of that means sorting out my beliefs, which are pretty much up in the air right now. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but the ride just got a lot more interesting…